🏅 #1 RANKED YELLOW APPLE
The Opal apple looks like it shit itself. I apologize for being uncouth but there is no more apt observation. Just look at the top of it. The Opal apple looks like a jaundiced, freckled, unwiped anus. In fact, this may be the ugliest apple of the modern era. That being said, if you’re going to be an ass, you might as well be a good ass. And like a good ass, the Opal apple is exceptionally sweet and juicy. In fact, the complex flavor profile featuring hints of banana, coconut, and pear make this Czech-born, oddly-named monstrosity a delight to consume. And while the outside may be stained with a toddler’s accident, in an ironic twist, the interior of the apple does not brown for quite some time. So I say, if you’re looking to spice up your life with something a little different, close your eyes and eat ass. Who am I to judge?
BONUS POINTS: +2 Taste
I swapped from my classic Granny Smith to Kanzi and/or SweeTango under his recommendation, and haven’t looked back. He turned apples from a bottom of the barrel fruit to up there with plums and tangelos for me.
The reason I thought apples were trash fruit was from eating the common varieties - the royal galas, the braeburns, the red delicious. Trash apples, not trash fruit.
Red delicious is an abomination that should be cleansed from the earth with fire. That variety’s sole purpose is to be used as a projectile to hurl at people who try to sell you red delicious apples.
Sugarbee apples are my current favorite.
Check the location of where the apples come from. If they come from across the country or the world, they will taste terrible. Ignore the type of apple, or whether it’s organic or whatever.