🏅 #1 RANKED YELLOW APPLE
The Opal apple looks like it shit itself. I apologize for being uncouth but there is no more apt observation. Just look at the top of it. The Opal apple looks like a jaundiced, freckled, unwiped anus. In fact, this may be the ugliest apple of the modern era. That being said, if you’re going to be an ass, you might as well be a good ass. And like a good ass, the Opal apple is exceptionally sweet and juicy. In fact, the complex flavor profile featuring hints of banana, coconut, and pear make this Czech-born, oddly-named monstrosity a delight to consume. And while the outside may be stained with a toddler’s accident, in an ironic twist, the interior of the apple does not brown for quite some time. So I say, if you’re looking to spice up your life with something a little different, close your eyes and eat ass. Who am I to judge?
BONUS POINTS: +2 Taste
Red delicious is an abomination that should be cleansed from the earth with fire. That variety’s sole purpose is to be used as a projectile to hurl at people who try to sell you red delicious apples.
Sugarbee apples are my current favorite.