Big deal. Jim Caviezel played Jesus and he is a rat bastard

I’ll hold their arms back while you tickle them. Then y’all can tickle me. BEST FRIENDS!

You ready for an insane trick? Store your corn tortillas in the fridge. When you’re ready to use some (preferably a lot at once) grab the number of tortillas you want, plus two. Heat up a pan or griddle to medium/medium-high heat and carefully place the stack of tortillas on it, dry. Let that go until you start smelling the tortillas without standing over them, then flip the whole stack. Let this go until you smell the now-bottom tortilla starting to burn, then flip the stack one last time and let it go until the other end’s tortilla starts to burn. Remove the two burnt tortillas and place the rest in a tortilla warmer until you’re ready to enjoy your beautifully steamed but not damp corn tortillas.

Also, if you’re not warming your flour tortillas, you’re really missing out. If you have a gas stove, turn the flame on low and heat up the tortillas individually directly on top of the burner. Like-fresh every single time.

Looking at that pic, I’m glad they did

I don’t know what community I thought I was in, but I thought this was gonna be some joke story about Jar Jar Binks running a police force. Those cops need to fix the spacing for “Mesa”

I thought I told you to stop talking to me, Dad

I pheromoned in the toilet this morning! And a tiny amount in my own asscheeks overnight

Edit: apparently y’all don’t like poop jokes. Noted, but not heeded

We should offer to help them stand with him in solidarity, so to speak

yep you’re dead good luck turning 15

Get paid in Target gift cards

Too much. And most of it is bad…

Okay, but hear me out: I don’t live in fear of rapists and rapists usually don’t fit in the box of “people I fantasize about boning in my dream world where I have some overinflated value.” What if I imagine myself being naked with a woman who used to have a penis? What if people with penises imagine being naked with ME?? I’m scared! I need to vote for a criminal representative of my shittiest expectations again!

How do I made my deposit??

I hope their upper management is eaten before the end of the week

Jim from The Office has aged terribly…

How’d they get a picture of me?

ah beans

A fart, a fart
It’s good for the heart
It sets the body at ease

It’ll warm up the sheets
You can set it alight
And it fumigates all of the fleas

Oh crap, I forgot to write “/s”

Yup! And reprinting editions that are 50 years old!