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Cake day: June 12th, 2023

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  • ramjambamalam@lemmy.catoMicroblog Memes@lemmy.worldYes, yes we do.
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    7 months ago

    We both had pretty detailed profiles with lots of photos

    Same with my wife and I who met online a couple of years back. Even back then, lots of other men would complain about having a hard time getting matches, being poorly treated on dates, etc. which did happen to me, but just as often I’d make a promising connection.

    I think part of the reason I was relatively successful despite not being terribly attractive is I treated online dating a bit like online shopping, whereas I think others treat it like a virtual version of bumping in to someone at a bar.

    To give you an example of a profile I might skip:

    My idea of a great first date: Just about anything!
    Likes: food, traveling, and probably your dog
    Dealbreakers: pineapple on pizza

    First prompt tells me nothing about you besides you’re easy going. That’s a great opportunity to share something you like doing, squandered.

    Second prompt is the same likes that everybody writes in their profile, and doesn’t lead to naturally staring a unique conversation. Everybody likes “travel and food” so, “Where have you travelled,” and, “What’s your favourite food,” are well-trodden and tired topics IMO. Either share something specific about food or travel, or mention something else entirely.

    Third prompt takes another opportunity to save us both some time by stating an actual deal breaker, squandered into a cliche joke.

    A better version of that profile could be (just winging it off the top of my head):

    My idea of a great first date: I love to ride my bike! Let’s ride some trails and then get a dessert. I know the best spot in town for croissants!
    Likes: blunt communication and lots of personal space to get to know someone
    Dealbreakers: if you still live with your parents

    First prompt tells me that you like biking which could be a conversation breaker about which trails you like, what type of bike you ride, and we could also talk about that croissant place, or our other favourite desserts.

    Second prompt is useful as someone approaching dating you, and could be a deal breaker for potential suitors.

    Third prompt states a real deal breaker which could save us both time, and it’s not something (religion, political affiliation, hair colour) which is usually covered in the profile and filterable in your preferences, or in photos.

    In my opinion, there were a lot more of the former type of profiles, but I found it easier to break the ice and connect with the latter type of profile. The former profile is fine if you’re both just looking for a hook up and the prompts are secondary to the eye candy, but if you’re looking for a long lasting connection, it’s all about the prompts.

    My question to those who are dating just a couple of years later: how have things changed?


  • ramjambamalam@lemmy.catoMicroblog Memes@lemmy.worldYes, yes we do.
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    7 months ago

    “High value” is also a term used in the FemaleDatingStrategy community, which is a community of women who advocate for traditional chivalry, abstinence until commitment, and strongly opposes BDSM under the belief that it’s essentially abuse.

    I’m not sure if that has any bearing on the emptymology of the common usage of the term.