“Maybe Christmas” doesn’t come from a store, but “Merry Christmas” does, take that Dr. Suess!

I’d just rip off the “thanks” part and wait…

Aquaman? Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy would be into it though.

He’s a machine that turns mountain dew into piss balloons, and the cashier is rightfully impressed.

Yo, I legit forgot I had looked into weighted blankets a couple years ago… I should check them out again, my sleep has not improved…

In theaters? Speak No Evil. In general I watched Lars and the Real Girl like a week ago.

Nah, my comments are all pretty dumb. OP’s logic checks out.

I was promised at least lemons, but frankly if I waited for life to deliver I would have scurvy by now…

I’m guessing because it was more of a 70s hippy idea: free sharing of love, drugs and cryptographic keys

You know the phrase, walk softly and pick up all the sticks that look cool

– Dr. NeverSneezer Scrooge

Nerdfighteria sites their sources.

Does that work for hearing your own voice on recordings too? If so I’ll take 50!

Laddairs, it’s French.

Bruh, I’m not one for office drama, but I would recommend keeping records of that if no-one else knows he’s doing that to you.

My Duolingo addiction is finally validated! I knew it wasn’t just a weird fetish for culo de búho!

May 16th 2011… Pretty sure this is an April fools joke, and like everything in government it was a month and a half late.

I’m pretty sure pornhub already leaked a video titled “Lenny sucking a goat”…

I knew I should’ve talked to HR when I was told to “load her up” by my boss!

Yeah, you’ve probably grown accustomed to most memes using high fructose corn syrup which is clear and easier to hide.

Yeah, it’s been banned in New Jersey for the last couple years. It was a cool overnight shift and it’s just second nature to just leave reusable bags in my car now for when I need them.