My parents didn’t smoke but that’s literally how I knew the babysitter was gone and my parents were home from a night out.

There’s a real time and place for every human being to eat the sloppiest sandwich ever made. And it’s fucking delicious. Every time.

Onward to the paper, my noble steed!

Fuckin’ oversensitive dipshits. All of them. They can feel free to paddle their douche canoes as far away from me as possible.

Making new frens every day

The Bert’s Gambit

This comment hit me like a gut punch of dread.

And now I’ll think about it for years.

This is how The Battle of Wisconsin starts.

Hashtag producestrong

Fight you? You wouldn’t even try fighting back except during the playoffs, Kareem!

Also Billie Joe: Openly bisexual since 1995. Love the one you’re with. That’s literally the only thing that matters.