Always has been.

Something something silent auction.

The dad pulls up his pant legs to reveal his rainbow knee highs.

“A man of culture I see.”

An extra scoop for cunning.

Everyone liked that.

Bumblebees don’t sting.

“Seventy-Twoth”

Just a smidge of genocide, every other weekend and on Wednesdays from 6:30 to 10.

(Jerry’s apartment. Jerry is sitting on the couch reading a magazine when suddenly Kramer bursts through the door, wild-eyed and disheveled, as usual.)

Kramer: (throws his arms up dramatically) “They canceled me, Jerry! CANCELED!”

Jerry: (startled, looking up) “Canceled? Canceled from what? You’re not even on anything!”

Kramer: “Oh, I’m on something, buddy. I’ve been doing the rounds on KramerTube—my web series! You know, the one where I rate New York City hot dog carts on ‘snap, spice, and sauerkraut consistency.’ It was a big hit!”

Jerry: “Your web series? You’ve been reviewing hot dogs and you got canceled? What, did you say something about ketchup?”

Kramer: “Oh, it was nothing, Jerry! I just mentioned that Eddie’s on 34th has ‘suspicious mustard.’ And BAM! The next day, the internet turns on me. Hashtag ‘CancelKramer!’ It’s trending!”

Elaine: (walking in, curious) “What’s trending?”

Jerry: “Kramer got canceled. Apparently, the mustard was too suspicious.”

Elaine: “You? Canceled? How does someone who already operates on the fringes of society get canceled?”

Kramer: “They’re trying to shut me down, Elaine! My sponsors pulled out. No more free hot dog samples from Louie’s Lunch Shack. And they’re not inviting me to the Annual Hot Dog Summit!”

Jerry: “There’s an Annual Hot Dog Summit?”

Kramer: “It’s a big deal, Jerry! Last year, they gave out a lifetime achievement award to the inventor of the pretzel bun. I was on my way up! And now… I’m OUT!”

George: (bursting in, holding his phone) “Did you hear about this? Kramer’s trending! You’re famous, buddy! You’re a meme!”

Kramer: (suspicious) “A meme? What kind of meme?”

George: (showing his phone) “This one: ‘Suspicious Mustard Guy.’ You’re staring at a hot dog like it’s hiding state secrets. It’s everywhere!”

Kramer: “It’s out of context! Out of context!”

Elaine: “Oh, please. You love this. This is the most attention you’ve ever gotten in your life.”

Kramer: “Not like this, Elaine! They’re calling me ‘The Mustard Menace.’ My reputation is ruined!”

Jerry: “I think your reputation was already on thin ice when you started a hot dog review series.”

Kramer: “I’ll have you know, Jerry, my series was bringing awareness to the integrity of this city’s sausage scene! And now, thanks to the internet mob, it’s all over!”

George: “What’s the problem? You’re famous. Lean into it! Do a redemption tour. Write a mustard manifesto.”

Kramer: (perks up, thoughtful) “Redemption tour, huh? That’s not bad. I could partner with Grey Poupon! Maybe start a charity for underprivileged condiments…”

Jerry: “Sure, because what the world really needs is your hot takes on relish politics.”

Kramer: (snaps his fingers) “This isn’t over, Jerry. I’ll rebuild. Hot dog by hot dog, I’ll clear my name!” (storms out dramatically)

Elaine: (watches him leave) “How long do we give him before he’s banned from another summit?”

Jerry: (smirking) “Two weeks. Tops.”

Something something banana organ.

Idk. I’m not an alien.

I prefer to think of us as being in the year 12,024.

Raising Cane’s or nothing.

I hope they all have strokes.

Kinda like the instant coffee my grandma uses. For some reason it has no nutritional information on it at all. Not even caffeine content.

Where does instant coffee fall in this paradigm?

It’s normal when I’m making fucking chili Susan! And there’s a difference between too much salt and adding the appropriate amount of salt.

And research has shown that the most effective way to not have problems with too much sodium in the blood/high blood pressure is to drink more fucking water.

And the person that complains to me about the salt levels in my food? A) didn’t pay for the fucking food and B) drinks 12 fucking diet Dr peppers a day because “they are healthier.” So fuck em!

Sanders would have won.

I’m a white dude with no tattoos, but I have this argument all the time with my family. “You can add hot sauce and salt afterward for yourself!” That’s not how this works Susan. That’s not how any of this works. All of cooking is chemistry and physics! And get over it! If I’m cooking I’m using salt and guajillio peppers!

Source: Gay and cook food.

You don’t think MAGA goons would organize constitutional conventions to keep their god king in office?

I stopped drinking 5 years ago. I quit smoking weed 4 months ago.

It’s… It’s really hard to not just go out and buy some weed to fill that void in my soul right now.

I think tomorrow, I’m gonna double my Adderall dose.