I’m great at breaking wind…

Don’t threaten him with a good time…

Count me in too…

Also known as acts of god- so as long as you’re on god’s good side, those things won’t happen, and if they do, well obviously you did something to piss off god so you deserve it. QED.

Only if you have a really twisted definition of funny… Which I do, so carry on.

Once there was this girl who

Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion

And when she finally made it

She saw some other girl who was better

And so she hired some guy to

Club her in the kneeeeee caaaaaaap

Try '80s. Get off my lawn.

This is so fetch.

Every accusation is a confession…

HE SAID “YOUR SWEET, SWEET BALLOON KNOT. FOREVER, TAKING THAT HOT DEMON GEL. ASK KAGE.”

If at first you don’t succeed, give up and never try again.

Lololololololol. No, they do not. I support a product that gets updated roughly quarterly, and the number of times people complain about their vulnerability scanner finding something when they’re on a 4 year old version is too damn high.

That’s why I have this for my “welcome” mat…

There are dozens of us!

Such a weird thing to say … when I was little ('70s) it was not uncommon for kids to swim nude, we didn’t care… Any adults who are ogling kids aren’t going to stop just because of one layer of clothing.

Do you know what she’s called?

Fold‽

Dyslexics untie!

I think gen x did that… You’re welcome.

Do you teach your kids to swim, or to stay away from water? Guess which is more effective at preventing drowning?