The true War on Christmas is fight in solidarity with Halloween and Thanksgiving in an effort to push Christmas back over the November/December border. It’s a just and noble war, one which I both advocate and fight in.

The hero America needs right now.

There’s too much to get into but the short version is we literally aren’t given a choice. People here idiotically vote against their own self interests and nothing anyone has tried to fix the problem has worked.

Thank you. This is directly relevant to me. And yeah, I’m an American.

Motherfucker of you’re gonna charge me $3,000 per day, I’m keeping the bed.

Cool, glad for y’all.

Hey, now that you’ve taken care of that, we’re having a little fascism problem here in America. We were wondering if you could, ya’know, return that little favor we did for ya in the 1940s?

Let them hate so long as they fear.

Attributed to Caligula, but guess what ya rich bastards? It goes both ways, and we outnumber you. By a lot.

I sure af ain’t saying we were wrong. I just have no power to do anything about it.

I mean history is ambiguous about it, but it usually tends to be more bad than good. Usually.

In America that bill could force you to choose between food or rent.

You know I’m in favor of our (American) military defense of Taiwan against the CCP, but…

You can’t spell murder without laughter.

By 7pm he was able to dodge roll through traffic.

If not then I’m sure that if hell exists that he’ll have it “explained” to him in excruciating detail.

Oh don’t worry, they won’t stop you from getting the anesthesia - they’re just going to make you pay 1000% above the wholesale price of it. Which you can negotiate down just like Blue Cross does. Good luck with that though. Anyway who knows, maybe their CEO will go visit New York.

Hey gun crime is just a reality we have to live with, according to the Republicans in Congress. So I don’t see any reason to make a big fuss just because this rich bastard accidentally feel into some bullets, instead of the usual bunch of innocent children or random black person the cops decided to shoot while face down and in handcuffs. No, I’m sure the police have much more serious police matters to attend to, like civil forfeiture on somebody carrying a large amount of cash or selling appropriated weapons to drug cartels.

4’33"? So like 6’9"?

Oh. I see what they did there.

And people get mad when I point out that every single human is an idiot to some degree about lots of topics.

I’m an American living in Chicagoland, the 3rd largest metropolitan area in the country. I can drive for over 900 miles in any direction and everyone still speaks English, though some jerks Quebec wouldn’t admit it at gunpoint. Even foreign born immigrants who never took a class can usually manage enough pidgin English to get by, even if it’s just a hundred words or less.

America also has the largest English speaking pop globally. More than the next 3 countries combined. England is 5th on that list.

America had been the dominant global source of money, technology and education since WW2. Though it’s in it’s slow decline arc, good luck explaining that to uncritical people who were spoon fed the doctrine of American Exceptionalism since infancy.

Why do many, if not most Americans assume everybody else speaks English? Why the hell wouldn’t we?

Europeans and Brits go on vacation abroad and it’s usually elsewhere in Europe. Huge swathes of the world had to learn English when the British Empire was large and in charge. The US picked up where the Brits left off. It’s been that way for literally centuries.

There’s a dozen or two languages they might need to be at least passingly familiar with, on top of English which is needed for business, industry, education, flying/air traffic control, and gawd knows what else. It’s the lingua franca of the modern age, and if they have no other language in common, two people with a passing knowledge of English can communicate at a basic level.

Americans go on vacation and travel three time zones over without leaving the continental US. A small town is basically the same in New York and California. You can go anywhere in America or Canada (or most major foreign cities) and find at least a few things you know and are familiar with, from chains like Hilton and McDonald’s to independently owned clones like Motels and Diners. Our country, a third of the continent (more or less) is larger than all of continental Europe.

So yeah, that’s why. Don’t worry, the planet will probably kill us off within a generation or two, assuming the Orange Idiot or some foreign despot like Putin decides to end it all early with nuclear hellfire. So if it’s a problem for you, at least it’s a problem that will solve itself.