Cap

I was wondering why the forecast said 2% chance of milk.

If that’s the stairway to heaven, can I request to be shown the stairs leading down?

The probability that a monkey would throw its shit against the wall and have it look exactly like Shakespeare is, on the other hand, extremely likely in our lifetime.

First, I throw in a jalapeno as a life preserver, then I come in with the second chip like an S.S. Minnow sent from heaven. Finally I Mobey Dick the rescue team and send them to the depths of hell that is my digestive tract.

Sounds like the hamster wants out.

I read the title as someone from Boston saying, 'He got the job, didn’t he?!?"

We call that a prison pacifier!

The first boy she French kissed choked to death.

Sounds like a shitshow that got out of hand.

It’s like work email. Mine were 100% read for 16 years. Then I let one go unread, then two, and now I’m up to just under 1,000 unread emails. It’s an adrenaline rush, like Russian roulette. I doubt I’ll read any replies to this comment! I need help.

From wiki: "Most scholars derive “Hermes” from Greek ἕρμα (herma),[14] “stone heap.”[3]: 177 "

Seems about right.

Crocodile mechanics and otter plumbers. No wonder I can’t find a job!

Bueller? … Bueller?

Rookie mistake using the incisors. The pros know you start with the molars to break a nut loose.

This is my wife and me. Also, she loves to plan trips and I love to be spontaneous. The compromise is she plans everything for the trip and doesn’t tell me anything. That way she gets her organization and I get my surprises.

How did you get my baby photos?!