Any minor inconvenience:

“That’s it. I’m getting me mallet”

Now I gotta go listen to The Dead Milkmen

My cat loves pets… but he chooses when.

You have to live with a dog that doesn’t like pets / pats.

Here’s mine (sorry it took so long, I’m shy)

I’m, in fact, not a horse. I only pretend to be one on the Internet.

Mold. So. Much. Mold.

Where else are you supposed to put your pants?

Look. I-- I’d had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, ‘That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.’

The old Subway jingle is now playing in my head.

I’m a Space Dog, half space, half dog! I’m my own best friend.

There was also the American “Bacon / Cook” diving team that should have been “Cook / Bacon”.

Anthill Mob from Wacky Races.